All Tech – No Logic Tech Support Humor and Rants – "Share our pain."

Must Be Gremlins!

I've only heard these monsters of myth and legend mentioned in hushed tones.

These little guys can be cute little balls of fluff waiting to screw with the settings of an unsuspecting user or admin. Or they can be scaly, sharp toothed little bastards that mercilessly tear the code in computer files to shreds.

Either way the only trace of their existence seems to be the carnage left behind.

Well I've decided to take a stand against these little terrors.

Below is a description of what one may or may not look like as well as it's eating and breeding habits. That way you can be more proactive about taking a stand against this menace.

Scientific Name: Mogwaius-Screw-Shit-Upus
Common Name: Gremlin

Common Varieties

• Server
• PC
• Mac Gremlins (I'm told these are far less common but the environment in which these creatures thrive would dictate otherwise)

Natural Predator(s): Techus-Supportus-Awesomnuss (Technical Support), Adminus-Grelminus-Nightmareus (Server Administrator), User-Non-Lazius (A Smart User)

Natural Prey: User-Dip-Shitus (A User that won't RTFM)

Natural Habitat: These creatures inevitably show up and thrive in environments where user intelligence seems to be at a minimum. These sneaky, little, bastards know how to cause the most problems in the environment least prepared to deal with them!

Precautions Against Infestation: Germlins seem to be utterly repelled by anything that shows intelligence or a desire to learn about how things work. As such a simple precaution is to do research in to the computer systems you use on a daily basis.

I have a feeling that is why Tech Support and Server Administrators are their natural predators.

Common Sources of Repellent: Google, a local book store, any child under the age of 12.

Size and Color: This has been impossible to determine as once these critters have struck they disappear, even in broad daylight.

Unconfirmed reports however have yielded the following:

Height: Approximately 6 inches to 1.5 feet in height
Color: Varying colors, generally black, brown, or white
Eyes: These creatures seem to have rather large eyes that make up a majority of their facial structure

Gestation: Seems to vary based on the average IQ of the person in the room. The lower the IQ the faster these things seem to appear.

Diet: They don't seem to eat anything, but rather live on the carnage they cause. Those that are stupid enough to not believe in the existence of these creatures refer to this as "User Error."

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