How to Use a Search Engine

I’m going to let everyone in on the not, nearly, very, secret, at all Tech Support Tool called: Google.

The site: xkcd has already documented how to become the local Tech Support expert so I’m going to focus in on a key step in the process that not many people (at least web hosting clients) seem to grasp: How to put a query into Google (or any other search engine) when trying to find information on a question.

Steps to looking something up in Google. (I’ve tried to break these down like instructions on a box of Pop-Tarts) You may want to open a new tab or browser window so you can follow along:

Please note: These instructions are pretty uniform across multiple search engines (the search button might be labeled differently!)

  1. Type www.google.com into your web browser
  2. Hit enter
  3. Wait for the page to load
  4. Find the search box (it’s in the middle of the screen)
  5. Type in what you’re searching for (you can even type in questions!)
  6. Hit enter or click Google Search
  7. Wait for the next page to load
  8. Look at the returned entries until you find something that looks promising
  9. Click on the link to the promising information
  10. Wait for the page to load

Please note: Using the back button will be covered in a future installment, I apologize for any inconvenience.

If you need something visual I’ve used the site: Let Me Google That for You to create a demonstration.

To view the demonstration please go to: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=alltech-nologic.com.

Hopefully this will clear up any basic questions about using a search engine.

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Posted in How To | 1 Comment

Webhosting Packages 101

In my time as a Technical Support Representative there are few issues that I’ve encountered time and time again.

The one I intend to shine some much needed light on today is what kind of service you can expect from various levels of hosting. As well I have included various pictures to help illustrate my points.

Hopefully this will article will help remove any such confusion and make life simpler for everyone.

I am however confronted by the undeniable reality that the people who really need this information probably aren’t going to be smart enough to use the search box and end up finding this.

Oh well at least I’ve tried to help everyone be more well informed.

I’m going to start on the lowest level of hosting available.

Shared Hosting


Shared Hosting is analogous to riding a bus, sometimes a very overcrowded bus. You pay for your spot and eventually you’ll get where you’re headed. Definitely slower and you don’t have a lot of room to move.

These packages can come in various shapes and sizes. Some allow you to create a site from the ground up, others only give you a WordPress Installation. Some packages will include things like dedicated IP addresses and SSL certificates, the options are very wide ranging.

The two most widely advertised specs on these packages are: Bandwidth and Disk space. While these are important to consider, they are not as important as you might think.

The places you’ll generally run into problems with this kind of hosting is when your account uses too much CPU or Memory on the server. The amount of usage is dependent on the company hosting the package. Some only allow 1% other allow as much as 15%. The exact amount is generally hidden in the company’s ToS (Terms of Service).

The bottom line is most of these packages are meant to host small sites, blogs that don’t get a lot of readership, Drupal and Joomla type sites are generally okay but yet again only with smaller amounts of usage.

Some other things to be aware of are things like: Mailling Limits. Many shared hosting packages have limits such as 200 messages per hour.

Another common question is about iNodes, I personally have not come across this limitation but have been asked about it. iNodes refer to the number of files you can store in your account, there may be unlimited disk space listed but the number of number of files you can have does have a limit.

The next step up is:

Semi-Dedicated


This would be similar situation to a van or maybe a four door sedan, there are fewer people so you’ll get where you’re going faster.

These packages are generally still setup just like shared hosting packages. But there are fewer accounts on the server. As a result you get access to more resources.

Dedicated Server


These types of accounts are like having your own car to get you around. There’s no waiting for stops in between, you go from point A to point B.

Just like your own car, the performance is dictated by how much you are willing to spend on it. If you buy a Ford Festiva and take it on the Autobahn you won’t be able to go as fast as a Ferrari with V12 tucked behind the passenger compartment.

Just like your own car though, you’re expected to keep up on the maintenance yourself or hire someone else to do it for you.

You’ll also be expected to take care of any configuration/customization within your server as well.

Virtual Private Server

These are a different beast that have begun showing up in recent years. The advantages of these packages are that they give you access to a dedicated amount of system resources such as CPU power and Memory. Generally far more than what any shared hosting account could hope to fork out.

Another advantage some of these types of packages offer is scalability, as well as fault tolerance, and some will allow you to load balance to different places in the world.

These right here are generally going to offer the most bang for your buck.

Now I’m going to switch gears and move to:

Stupid Questions Regarding Hosting


I bring this up because I feel these are intertwined.

“I want to host a social network like Facebook.” or “I want to host a video sharing site like YouTube.”

I lump these two together because they go along the same lines and it almost never fails, people who want to host sites like these are curious about a bottom of the barrel shared hosting account.

Hosting sites like Facebook and YouTube requires not just one server but hundreds, thousands, or even tens of thousands. An estimate at: Data Center Knowledge says 30,000 (that was in October of 2009).

“How much server do I need to host x?”

This is another dumb question because there are so many variables involved.

If you’re really serious about wanting to run a community site that will receive and handle large amounts of traffic, you’re going to need a systems engineer to figure this question out. Chances are you’re going to need to a team of people to handle this.

The Aftermath

When purchasing web hosting it’s important to keep in mind what kind of site you’ll be hosting.

As with everything else in life, you get what you pay for, keep that mind before jumping up and down on Customer Service when your site gets shut down because your account was creating a problem for the server.

I’d like to say I don’t want to discourage anyone from building their own website, but there are plenty of people out there who just shouldn’t be allowed on the Internet, let alone to own a computer. More than likely if you’re reading this then you’re smart enough to handle yourself.

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Posted in Vital Information | 2 Comments

How to Piss Off Tech Support

Have you ever wondered how you can make sure that anything you ask Tech Support to do or answer for you is met disdain and contempt?

Wonder no more!

I’ve assembled a few surefire methods to make sure any interaction you have with Technical Support is treated like a Venereal Disease and the people handling it just want a shot of Penicillin to make it disappear.

First

Be demeaning, or as I like to call it: “My life is so out of my control that I have to exert some form of imaginary power over a stranger to make myself feel like my life has any meaning” Syndrome.

This is a simple thing really, it goes back to the Golden Rule. How do you want to be treated?

Now, take that and throw it out the window. Treat whoever you’re talking to like they’re a complete moron and don’t know anything at all about the services and products they deal with on a day to day basis.

In short position yourself so that when you’re done talking to them, you wonder why you contacted them for assistance at all.

Even if in the end you don’t know anything more about your question or problem than when you started. You were arrogant and pompous and that’s all that matters… Even if you secretly follow the instructions those idiots gave you.

Second

Act like you’re more important than anyone else.

This is particularly important in written communication, use acronyms and phrases such as following:

  • ASAP (or it’s spelled out form As Soon As Possible)
  • Right Now (or with kids following it: Right Now!!! or any other family size)
  • This is an Emergency!

*Please note: The above suggestions are even more effective if you include them in the title of the communication, so use them liberally.

After all your problem is far more important than anything else those morons could be doing.

Another thing to keep in mind is that if Tech Support has a ticket system that allows you to set a priority, you should set it to the highest alert level. That goes for anything you send to them.

If you’re speaking with someone via a chat session, make sure you ask them if they’re still there if they don’t update you with progress reports every 30 seconds. They couldn’t possibly have three or four other conversations going on at that time could they? Even if they  do, they should drop everything because you’re there and this is an emergency after all!

Third

Ignore all documentation that’s been included with whatever you’ve purchased, and treat Tech Support like they’re supposed to be at your beck and call. They’re there to do whatever it is you need them to. Why they don’t have people on standby in every city to come right to your door when you need to set things up or get them working is beyond you.

Fourth

Don’t forget to complain! Features you discover you want or need but were not outlined in the cheap package you purchased aren’t there for the money you’re spending on it. This is particularly relevant when you buy the lowest priced option. You’re a big account even if you’re not spending enough money to cover half of what the people you’re talking to make in an hour.

Fifth

This one is the clincher: If you’re tired and bored with making Tech Support utterly hate you, what you can do is start swearing at them, insulting them, and making comments about their home lives.

Once they’ve hung up on you a few times after complaining about abusive language, demand to speak to a manager and treat them like they’re stupid as well.

If you’re lucky enough you might even work your way up to the CEO of the company and you can keep pushing them. Because, well, you’re entitled to it after all aren’t you?

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